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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24294379">When The Coward's Tears Fall.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skeleton_Wolf/pseuds/Skeleton_Wolf'>Skeleton_Wolf</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sterek Short Stories! [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Teen Wolf (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Artist Stiles Stilinski, Chef Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale Deserves Nice Things, Derek Hale Has a Crush on Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale Loves Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Lydia Martin, Mentioned Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Mentioned Sheriff Stilinski, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski Loves Derek Hale, Tags Contain Spoilers, Unrequited Love, mentioned peter hale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:28:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,307</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24294379</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skeleton_Wolf/pseuds/Skeleton_Wolf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Derek have grown close. Derek was glad until he realised how much he relied on Stiles. </p>
<p>Moving from one bad relationship to another, Derek can't understand why he can't find happiness. But when he finally figures it out, the answer just raises more questions.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sterek Short Stories! [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1489166</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>152</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Sterek Goodness</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When The Coward's Tears Fall.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW: negative thoughts and mentions of toxic relationships.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The two of them had grown close. Stiles had wormed his way deep into Derek's life and Derek found himself letting it happen. It felt good to have someone there, someone who cared, after so long. He had spent years trapped in a cage and Stiles had <em> finally </em> handed him the key. Stiles had sat through nightmares and flashbacks, he had spent months (or possibly years) changing the way Derek thought about himself and teaching him that it was okay to talk about his feelings. Derek couldn't be more grateful. </p>
<p>The Pack had helped, too, but Stiles had always been the one he could turn to. He was the first person he learned to trust, the first person he learned to rely on, the first person he truly cared about, and in return, Stiles had shared his own stories. Stories from his childhood: what his mother had been like before she had been hospitalised and what it was like being blamed by her for her condition, how his father had reacted afterwards and how long it had taken for Stiles to learn to trust again. He shared his nightmares and flashbacks, too. From when he was possessed and from when he was forgotten, from all the monsters he had fought alone.</p>
<p>But Derek knew it was different for Stiles; Stiles had his dad to lean on, he had Scott and Lydia, he could turn to them if he needed to. Derek had tried to turn to people other than Stiles, a few times actually, but it was like wading through drying concrete, so he stuck with Stiles. Which made them different. Derek wasn't Stiles' key, he was a single plank on the long bridge across the stormy river that led towards healing. Maybe he was the fraying rope that barely held it up. And yet he would never stop listening, never stop trying to help Stiles in the same way he had helped Derek.</p>
<p>Some days he felt like he was only Stiles' project and that could set him back by weeks, leaving Stiles confused. He would always hide away on the days where he felt most useless to Stiles and Stiles would always sit outside his room and just <em> talk. </em>Talk until Derek was okay again. Talk until his eyelids drooped and the moon swung high in the sky. And then he would talk some more.</p>
<p>Stiles had saved him from a lot of things, but one of the biggest of those things was loneliness. He had been alone after the fire; yes, he had had his sister but she was grieving too. Always lost, moving around their shared living space like a ghost, haunting her own life and possessing her own body. It was worse than having her <em> dead </em>, or it felt like that right up until she had actually died. Then he had felt true loneliness. Stiles and Scott had brought him some semblance of normal; an echo of sanity. Peter had come back but he had been insane and that had made things worse, pushing Derek further away from the shadow of a life he'd been desperately pulling together.</p>
<p>Even when he'd built himself a Pack of three teenagers, he knew they would leave him and it just made him feel empty. Cora and Peter were there for some of it and yet they seemed colder, nothing like what he remembered from before the fire. Then again, he wasn't the same either. Part of him had burned with his family, as had part of them.</p>
<p>Stiles had been the first fully <em> there </em> presence in his life; consistent and reliable in times of need. Trustworthy. Caring in ways Derek was sure Stiles wasn't even aware of. He had been a light in the void. Cool air in the blistering heat. A parachute as Derek fell. And Derek owed him <em> everything </em>.</p>
<p>And yet Stiles only wanted one thing: his friendship. Stiles wanted to be friends. And Derek had been okay with that – he wanted it too – but things can’t just keep going up, eventually they hit breaking point.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Stiles had grown a lot over the years, not only as a person but also physically: he was taller, more muscular, faster, kinder, more trusting and somehow smarter. He had become an amazing chef after a lot of time thinking about whether or not he actually wanted to go into a law enforcement job. He drew commissions "for fun", occasionally helped people with their supernatural problems, and worked in a high-end restaurant in New York with plans to set up his own with Lydia within the next five years. His life was going well. The Pack that had moved away came back to town once or twice a month. But every time Stiles left to go back to New York after a Pack night, Derek realised how much he relied on him. </p>
<p>It was a tough reality and he hated it, so he started dating again with the idea that maybe he could find someone who relied on him just as much as he did them. Every single one ended horribly. From screaming matches to death threats. Their lengths varied: two days, four weeks, seven months. Never longer than that though and it hurt. It always put him back into that empty mindset. Stiles would come back to town and help him through it, offer his apartment in New York, Derek would take him up on that offer for a few weeks and life would go back to normal. Everything would be fine and Stiles would be the reason for it.</p>
<p>Derek gave up on dating altogether after a record-breaking eight-month relationship had ended in Derek having to get a restraining order on the guy. Stiles had laughed at that until he'd seen how serious Derek was about quitting. He'd tried to convince him not to give up, that someone was out there, someone who would respect him, care about and for him, someone he could love. That was the first time the thought hit him and it had him hightailing it out of New York and straight back to Beacon Hills as fast as he could catch a plane. </p>
<p>He wanted Stiles to be more than his friend. </p>
<p>How had it taken him this long to figure that out? He felt ridiculous; pathetic even.</p>
<p>But the thought came back, it taunted him and sang petty songs, it crept upon him when he was busy or dreaming, it danced around his living room and screamed for all to hear. And it made him question everything. Every action, every word he spoke or text he sent to Stiles, every smile and every outfit Stiles would see. Every smile Stiles sent him, or laugh that was just a little bit too loud, everything he'd ever done in the past and everything he ever did from that moment onwards.</p>
<p>Derek never said anything, though. Stiles had asked for his friendship and nothing more. So that’s all he would give him. But eventually, it got too hard, eventually Stiles' kind heart and quick mind got to Derek too much and he couldn't take being around him as often as he was. He stopped going to New York so much, he spent more time with other Pack members until he barely spent time with Stiles at all. Stiles was busy anyway, he told himself.</p>
<p>It wasn't a lie, Stiles was very busy. He was helping Lydia move in with her partner, he had a few supernatural side-jobs he had offered to help with and he'd just gotten a promotion. So Derek was staying away for both their sakes. And that worked. It worked until Lydia had finished moving. And then Stiles finished his supernatural jobs with no new people asking for help. He didn't have anything else to do. Derek had gone unnoticed for three months.</p>
<p>Five, in total. They were the worst five months in ten years. No, that was a lie, he had enjoyed spending more time with the rest of his Pack and he vowed to make sure he didn't stop making as much time as he could for them (not that he hadn't been visiting them before, because he had been, just not nearly as much as he would’ve liked). But in-between seeing them and whatever else he was doing, he was thinking about his past. Everything that happened. And he didn't understand why. Was it because he was distancing himself from Stiles? Or maybe it was because he was trying to be more Pack orientated, like his mother had been. </p>
<p>Either way, he knew that talking to Stiles would help, but he couldn't. And no one else knew enough to understand. Except maybe Peter, but he was busy, he had his own life and Derek didn't want to interrupt him with his problems.</p>
<p>Stiles finally called him demanding he come over and explain himself. Derek made an excuse, again and again and again. Putting it off for days, weeks, months. Because he knew that, when it came down to it, he wouldn't be able to lie to Stiles. He made excuses at their Pack meetings, avoided talking to Stiles, he when he could. And he felt like a coward.</p>
<p>A goddamn coward. He couldn't confront his feelings for Stiles, he couldn't even <em> face </em> him anymore, and he was hurting Stiles in the process. </p>
<p>Seven months of dodging and avoiding, seven months since Derek had first officially tried to stop seeing Stiles, tried to get rid of his feelings, seven months before Stiles showed up at the loft red-faced and ready to blow. He yelled at Derek for almost thirty minutes. Asking him what he had done to make Derek stop wanting to be around him, he asked several times whether or not Derek hated him, repeatedly questioning Derek why. Why had he stopped coming to visit? Why did he hate him? Why did he not want to talk to Stiles? Why did he leave him? Why was he avoiding him? Why? </p>
<p>He berated him. Screamed at him. Gave in and cried. Cried because of <em> Derek. </em> Because Derek couldn't act like an adult, because Derek let his feelings for Stiles take over his life, because Derek was a <em> coward </em>. So he pulled Stiles in close, wiped his tears and handed him the tissue. He told him everything, from beginning to end and wiped his own tears, angry at himself for everything he had done, for not being able to lie and for ruining their friendship. </p>
<p>Once he had told Stiles the whole story, Stiles stood up and Derek was sure he would leave, leave and never return because that’s what Derek deserved. But instead, he walked to the kitchen and when he came back, he had two mugs in his hands, he passed one to Derek before taking a sip from his own. They sat in silence for a long moment before Stiles spoke again.</p>
<p>"Derek Hale, you are the biggest idiot I have ever met in my entire life. For starters, Peter keeps asking me about you because he's been worried but he won't admit it because he's a stubborn asshole. In fact, the whole Pack is worried about you, they like that you're spending time with them but they also <em> know </em> you. They know and they <em> care </em>. They all understand that you don't really like to talk to them about whatever's going on in your head so they didn't ask. But they asked me.</p>
<p>"At first, I thought it was just a bad period but then you didn't come to me. I thought I would give you a little space and I became ridiculously busy. Our schedules never matched up despite me trying to make time for you, because I will always try to make time for you when you need me. But the last couple of months? I began to think… well, you know." Stiles sighed and rubbed at his face. "Derek, you should've just told me. Look at you, was it worth it? I care about you, I care for so many reasons, but one of them is because I love you. I have for a while now. Seeing you date so many toxic people was crushing, but I thought that you would find <em> someone, </em>someone that would make you smile and I didn't want to stop you."</p>
<p>Derek sat, staring at Stiles in confusion but Stiles went on, "All this time, I thought you knew. I thought you were just being polite by not bringing it up. Derek, you have helped me a lot and I’ve tried to be there for you, too. I’m glad to know that I have helped you. You deserve someone that you can rely on.” Stiles placed his mug down, taking a slow breath before continuing, “I don't think I would be where I am today if it weren't for you, so thank you for that. But there are so many other reasons to love you, and, if you'll let me, I'd like to have as long as I can to share those with you." Stiles gripped Derek's hands tightly, waiting.</p>
<p>An ocean flooded Derek’s mind, jumbled his thoughts and stole his words, so he just nodded at Stiles and squeezed his hands back. "Can I kiss you?" Another nod had Stiles closing the gap between them.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It took Derek a week to come to believe everything that had happened. It took him a month before he was ready to tell The Pack that they were together, three months before he was moving in with Stiles and another four months before he started believing that Stiles wouldn't leave him. </p>
<p>Stiles and Derek healed each other. The Pack helped whenever they could. They all stuck together, even though they were spread across the world, and life slowly got better.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, how is everyone? I hope you enjoyed reading this one shot. If you did, please leave kudos, and comments are always appreciated, too. If you noticed any mistakes, feel free to point them out. Thank you, have a great day!</p>
<p>Find me on Instagram <a href="https://www.instagram.com/skeleton_w0lf/?hl=en">@skeleton_w0lf</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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